Sunday, 30 September 2007

Vinnie Jones

I must confess, I'm not a fan of Vinnie Jones. The man has made a career out of being a thug. He made his name as a very average footballer where his main asset appeared to be intimidation (see pic).

He made a short foray into the world of football management at QPR as assistant to then manager Ray Harford. I was reminded of this a couple of weeks ago when I was queueing for tickets at Loftus Road. The two guys behind me in the queue were discussing buying tickets for a particular game in the Paddock, an open terrace just behind the dugouts at Rangers. Years ago, they had season tickets there but decided to move when VJ became assistant manager - they explained, half jokingly, that they were scared that he might eat them during the game!

When Harford was dismissed, Vinnie received a tidy pay off from QPR, at a time when the club was beginning to slip into financial difficulties. It was around this time that his Movie career began to take off.

You may argue that he wasn't bad in his first major role as Big Chris in Guy Ritchie's Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels. I would counter that he wasn't really acting; he was merely being himself. On the morning of filming that infamous scene where his character batters 7 bells out of another gangster using a car door, Vinnie was in police custody after attacking one of his neighbours - an incident for which he received a community service sentence. Nice guy! Since then he's become a bit of a Hollywood star, albeit playing 'Hard Men' roles.

I see that Vinnie is up to his old tricks in a series of TV ads for RAC. In one of them, he is taking his daughter to a fancy dress party, and keeps getting delayed on the car journey, until finally his car breaks down. He gets on the phone to RAC Breakdown, but is too worried about living up to his hard man image to say the name of the town he has broken down near - 'Crapstone'. WTF?! So he puts that above getting his daughter to her party - what a crap parent! In another ad he fails to stop in time to hit a reversing car in an underground car park. "Look what you've done to my motor!" he exclaims - erm, I think you'll find that you are the blameworthy party, Vincent. He then bullies the other fawning driver, who is clearly bricking it, into giving back one of his sweets "Not the orange ones.....they're my favourites".

I can hear Michael Winner's voice in my head right now, screaming "CALM DOWN DEAR, IT'S ONLY A COMMERCIAL!!" Yep, I must admit that I have had a sense of humour failure here. It's all down to jealousy - Mr. Jones has clearly made a small fortune from limited talent, and in a way, fair play to him. I can kind of see where the phrase "Money for old rope" comes from. And I'd say that to his face. Honest.

Saturday, 29 September 2007


So...I've finally set up a blog.

I just wanted to give credit to the guys who inspired me to do this. Firstly my long standing friend Simon, whose acerbic observations about life are always worth a read. His excellent blog can be found at Secondly my fellow QPR fan Tony, whose match reports & opinions about QPR, football & beyond are an integral part of my daily Internet trawl. His blog is at Finally, the mutterings of Benjie Goodhart, whose GQ Magazine blog is now sadly defunct, but can still be read at

What can you expect from my blog? Well, it will be an eclectic mix of QPR, football, and my everyday rants & raves about life, the world & the universe. You may notice here that I'm being deliberately vague. There is a good reason for this - I haven't a bloody clue how this blog will evolve. To give you a clue of what I have in mind; my original plan was to call this blog but someone else has already bagged that domain name (and, annoyingly, hasn't updated it since 2004! I don't believe it...).

I imagine that this blog will eventually be read by a world wide audience of millions, win awards, be mentioned favourably on high brow TV programmes by intellectual heavyweights, and discussed at dinner parties the length & breadth of the country.

In reality it will probably only be read by a couple of my friends (for a couple of weeks at least) & some random bloke in his underpants who keyed "sausages & sex" into Google and came across my site instead (no pun intended).

Ah well, if the latter is true, I don't care - I'm in this for the long haul - hopefully it will be a form of therapy for me.

Thursday, 27 September 2007


Welcome to my blog. I hope that you like it.