So I was driving home from work one day this week, and I got stuck behind a Muppet car driver. You know the one: drives far too slow & erratically; someone to avoid if at all possible; possibly doesn't even own a licence. After a while, I noticed that said driver had a bumper sticker bearing the legend 'I'm driving like this to PISS YOU OFF'. I didn't know whether this was supposed to be irony or honesty, but it got me thinking about why people have bumper stickers.
There's a White Van Man who lives a couple of blocks away from me who has a bumper sticker with the message 'Keep Honking....I'm Reloading!!!' which would be ever so slightly amusing but for the fact that the driver is a complete maniac. One morning, I had just started my journey to work when I pulled up before a row of parked cars to let an oncoming car through (see what a kind, considerate driver I am, ahem). A second later, the aforementioned White Van drove past me at breakneck speed, almost wiping out the car coming the other way. Whenever have I seen him on the road since, he always drives like the truck out of the movie Jeepers Creepers - which if you remember also has a bumper sticker (well, kind of...the registration plate reads BEATNGU).
Thing is, it's because of his bumper sticker that I know where he parks his van - it's right by an alley I cut through sometimes after a night out. Now, I know what you're thinking, and although the temptation is there after a few beers, I wouldn't condone weeing up the side of his van - mainly because I don't want a visit from the Karma Police. But other people might not be so tolerant.
So, I've come to the conclusion that anyone who has a car bumper sticker is either a bad driver, or a moron, or both. Yes, even people who just have the name of their football team on the bumper. It's just asking for trouble - it wouldn't be long before a fan of a rival club seeks retribution for that 4-1 defeat a few years back. I can vouch for this by the number of Chelsea fans' car aerials I've snapped off over the years (note to the Karma Police - I'm just joking here).
So the next time you see a car with a bumper sticker, steer well clear. It might be trying to convey a political or humorous message, but in reality it says 'How's My Driving? Rubbish!'
If, like me, you like ranting anonymously on the Internet about bad driving, then you might find the following blog of interest: http://www.howwedrive.com/
2 comments:
Didn't you have a sticker in your back window of your old car saying "Come On England" - although not on your bumper it was STILL a bumper sticker...
Oh, hang on, I KNOW what a dodgy driver you are!
Oh God, I'd forgotten about this!
Guilty as charged - although not technically a bumper sticker, as you say... *blushes*
It was on there for so long I think if I had tried to remove I would have taken the back window with it!
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