Saturday, 7 June 2008

Pull up to the bumper, baby

So I was driving home from work one day this week, and I got stuck behind a Muppet car driver. You know the one: drives far too slow & erratically; someone to avoid if at all possible; possibly doesn't even own a licence. After a while, I noticed that said driver had a bumper sticker bearing the legend 'I'm driving like this to PISS YOU OFF'. I didn't know whether this was supposed to be irony or honesty, but it got me thinking about why people have bumper stickers.

There's a White Van Man who lives a couple of blocks away from me who has a bumper sticker with the message 'Keep Honking....I'm Reloading!!!' which would be ever so slightly amusing but for the fact that the driver is a complete maniac. One morning, I had just started my journey to work when I pulled up before a row of parked cars to let an oncoming car through (see what a kind, considerate driver I am, ahem). A second later, the aforementioned White Van drove past me at breakneck speed, almost wiping out the car coming the other way. Whenever have I seen him on the road since, he always drives like the truck out of the movie Jeepers Creepers - which if you remember also has a bumper sticker (well, kind of...the registration plate reads BEATNGU).

Thing is, it's because of his bumper sticker that I know where he parks his van - it's right by an alley I cut through sometimes after a night out. Now, I know what you're thinking, and although the temptation is there after a few beers, I wouldn't condone weeing up the side of his van - mainly because I don't want a visit from the Karma Police. But other people might not be so tolerant.

So, I've come to the conclusion that anyone who has a car bumper sticker is either a bad driver, or a moron, or both. Yes, even people who just have the name of their football team on the bumper. It's just asking for trouble - it wouldn't be long before a fan of a rival club seeks retribution for that 4-1 defeat a few years back. I can vouch for this by the number of Chelsea fans' car aerials I've snapped off over the years (note to the Karma Police - I'm just joking here).

So the next time you see a car with a bumper sticker, steer well clear. It might be trying to convey a political or humorous message, but in reality it says 'How's My Driving? Rubbish!'

If, like me, you like ranting anonymously on the Internet about bad driving, then you might find the following blog of interest:

Sunday, 1 June 2008


You'd think that the older I get, the wiser I become. Not so. Just recently I seem to have been suckered in by a number of TV ads. My resistance levels seem to be at an all time low when dealing with the ruthless marketing techniques by the TV ad people.

First of all there was the Kellogg's Rice Krispies ad, where a group of kids try to count the number of snaps, crackles & pops. The next time I was in Sainsbury's, I was powerless to resist as I walked up the cereal aisle.

Then there was the i-tunes ad. Bang - straight onto the i-tunes store, buying loads of old songs that I hadn't listened to for ages as they were on cassette tape (and therefore not i-pod compatible).

And now the new Bulmers ad has hooked me & reeled me in. I think it was the 'Great British Summer' tag line which got me - the top shelf of my fridge is now full of cider & pear cider....well at least it was (gonna have to buy some more soon).

Cider used to be my drink of choice. In my first year at Uni I drank my own body weight x 100 in cider. However, my flatmates were hard drinking northerners, so binge drinking on cider proved a little volatile given the gaseous nature of the beverage. Following a particularly messy episode at the end of my first year, I graduated onto the smoother bitter at the start of my 2nd year, and never looked back after that.

Now I seemed to have got my thirst back. One of life's pleasures is filling a big glass with a whole tray of ice cubes & then pouring in a chilled bottle of Bulmers or Magners. A perfect accompaniment to watching the Euros....